Unemployed

When I was first being tested, and was first diagnosed I was determined that I was going to work throughout. I don't think this was even a 'I'm going to be the superwoman who can do it all' mentality that I adopt with a lot of things I do, I think it was more that I refused to allow this illness to win. Today, I decided to step back from work for a few months. I told everyone involved that I'm out. My announcement was met with a mixture of shock (what? you're quitting? YOU? naaah, you'll be here next week), sadness (it's so unfair that this happened to you) and 'you're right, just get well and then come back to work'. Nobody, trust me, is more shocked and saddened by this outcome (I say outcome as I don't believe it was really a decision, I don't think I had a choice) than I am. Today Pacman, you win, you will not win the battle though. Let's revisit this is 6 months and see who's alive and who's not.

I have some long term work projects I can tip away at on the good days. I also could use the time for other things I have always wanted to do - learn how to play an instrument etc. In general though, I plan to become a lady that lunches. Every second week obviously. I will still be 'lady with cancer' the alternating weeks. Any other suggestions, or lunch dates (lady that lunches sounds much more fun if I'm not alone while being said lady) most welcome!

Hair loss seems to have slowed. I'm wondering is it worse in the chemo weeks. We'll find out next week I suppose. Number 2 is scheduled for 830am Tuesday morning. Fun fun fun. In the meantime however I have a busy weekend ahead. Busy is good, makes the time pass faster.

I'm looking forward to chemo number 2, I have long thought that women have an innate ability to forget the badness, pain etc. of a situation and remember mostly the good. This is, I think, an ability with its roots in childbirth. If we remembered how bad it was surely we'd never do it again? But we seem to be able to forget, until we're back in the situation again. It also works with hangovers (never drinking again syndrome). I think I have blocked out the horribleness that was chemo 1 and am remembering only the reduction in cancer symptoms once I had recovered from the chemo. I can now turn my neck freely, I have no cough, I cant feel the lump under my arm at all and my night fevers seem to have stopped completely. All after one round. Maybe this is all in my head. Or I'm the first person ever to be cured of cancer after one round of chemo. All real possibilities.... hmmmm. I am however still sleeping an average of 12-14 hours a night. I do also still have a much larger than human neck. I'm hoping round 2 will clear this up. I would LOVE to have a normal neck before I'm bald!

It's Friday night, I'm having pizza :)