Is it better or worse to know what's coming? The dread before chemo number 1 was mostly due to fear of the unknown. This time it's fear of the known. I know that, tomorrow, I will spend most of the day in hospital. I will be stuck with more needles than I can count, will be 'swabbed' many many times with alcohol (I already really really hate that smell, it's going to be a long 6 months), I will wheel my drip in and out to the toilet 27 times causing bleeding into my IV each time (just can't master the art of NOT ripping the needle from my vein each time I move, I'm sure I'll get there though), I will have the horrible red pee again with the horrible chemical taste in my mouth, I will try to eat a sandwich, it will lodge in my chest. Then I will go home and the bad stuff starts. Ever been hit by a bus after doing a 24 hour written exam in astrophysics during a severe bout of food poisoning? I would imagine it feels similar. Then the vomiting, the nausea, the constipation, the days of being zombified (chemo'd), the severe exhaustion, carrying the bin around the house in case I venture too far from a 'puke point' during my twice daily wander to get more water and crackers from the kitchen .
(NOTE: Puke points are a system engineered by Nick to avoid puke all over our newly decorated house- The en suite is puke point HQ, the bin I carry around is puke point 1, the kitchen, living room and bedroom also have plastic lined bins - puke points 2-4 respectively. I have to say, being on the verge of vomiting and hearing someone screaming 'PUKE POINT 3, PUKE POINT 3' in wild panic while you scramble for a bin is actually quite entertaining. Why is this necessary you might ask? Everything happens so suddenly that if I didn't sit with my head in the bowl our house would never be the same. )
This however, like last time, will pass. By Saturday I will feel almost human again, I will have eaten two meals and will have showered twice. By Sunday I will be fine. This time however, I don't have to go to work on the Monday. Instead, I will be getting manicured with my mother, lunching, hanging out with Louie and homewares shopping.
Today, I am lucky enough to be having ANOTHER event where I will be cooked for and generally entertained by some very loud and hilarious ladies. A great send off into number 2. (chemo number 2 that is, no other number 2's will be happening this week unfortunately. There I go again with the too much information, that one was funny though right?). Yesterday I spent the whole day in numerous public places with the scarf on my head. I'll get used to it. When people stare its because I look so damn good. When people stare it's because I look so damn good. When people stare it's because I look so damn good. I also somehow managed to chip a tooth. ON SUSHI. Another dentist trip is probably in order. Last thing I need.
If at any point this week you feel like you're having a bad one, or that its dragging, or that you simply cant wait for the weekend, rethink. I would give a lot to be having your week instead of mine. When this is over I will be very grateful for those boring, dragging, endless, uneventful weeks of work. There's a lot to be said for monotony, I had just never realised it before. Maybe this helps you with your weekly dread? Or maybe you think I'm a self-pitying moan? Either way, I do honestly hope you never have to experience it from my perspective.
(NOTE: Puke points are a system engineered by Nick to avoid puke all over our newly decorated house- The en suite is puke point HQ, the bin I carry around is puke point 1, the kitchen, living room and bedroom also have plastic lined bins - puke points 2-4 respectively. I have to say, being on the verge of vomiting and hearing someone screaming 'PUKE POINT 3, PUKE POINT 3' in wild panic while you scramble for a bin is actually quite entertaining. Why is this necessary you might ask? Everything happens so suddenly that if I didn't sit with my head in the bowl our house would never be the same. )
This however, like last time, will pass. By Saturday I will feel almost human again, I will have eaten two meals and will have showered twice. By Sunday I will be fine. This time however, I don't have to go to work on the Monday. Instead, I will be getting manicured with my mother, lunching, hanging out with Louie and homewares shopping.
Today, I am lucky enough to be having ANOTHER event where I will be cooked for and generally entertained by some very loud and hilarious ladies. A great send off into number 2. (chemo number 2 that is, no other number 2's will be happening this week unfortunately. There I go again with the too much information, that one was funny though right?). Yesterday I spent the whole day in numerous public places with the scarf on my head. I'll get used to it. When people stare its because I look so damn good. When people stare it's because I look so damn good. When people stare it's because I look so damn good. I also somehow managed to chip a tooth. ON SUSHI. Another dentist trip is probably in order. Last thing I need.
If at any point this week you feel like you're having a bad one, or that its dragging, or that you simply cant wait for the weekend, rethink. I would give a lot to be having your week instead of mine. When this is over I will be very grateful for those boring, dragging, endless, uneventful weeks of work. There's a lot to be said for monotony, I had just never realised it before. Maybe this helps you with your weekly dread? Or maybe you think I'm a self-pitying moan? Either way, I do honestly hope you never have to experience it from my perspective.
Hi Sona
ReplyDeleteI love reading your honest blog daily and keeping in touch with you until we meet! Will be thinking of you tomorrow during your number 2. Hoping you had a wonderful day today with your lovely people. Keep up with your fighting strength my lovely friend. With Love and best wishes Paula XXX