Today started badly, I'm worried about Nick. I'm worried about the effect this cancer is having on him. He wont read this blog. My over-analysing female brain is wondering why. His simple man brain is saying its because he knows everything and hates reading. Sometimes I think it would be so much easier having a simple man brain. I cant stop thinking about how unfair this whole situation is on him. Not what he signed up for at age 27. Nurse/cleaner/chef/chauffeur to cancer patient. He is amazing at making sure I know that he doesn't see it this way.
I also had a mini melt down drying my hair this morning. I always hated my hair. Stupid big curls. I now love my hair. I feel so stupid for hating it. If I was given the choice now I would not make any changes to my curls, or my greys which have started to come through. Since the PET scan results (showing I had cancer of some sort) I also cant bring myself to pluck my eyebrows or shave my legs (lucky Nick eh?). I have no idea why. So, to snap myself out of it I spent an hour teaching myself how to tie a scarf around my head. I definitely think I'll be able to rock the scarf look. Panic over.
When it comes to friends, I am lucky. Mine are the best in the world. Fact. Not only am I lucky enough to have people who I met through different avenues (jobs, college, trips abroad etc. ) over the last 27 years, but I have a group of school friends who have been all together since we were about 13 - my Mawts. Today they came to my house, en masse, for a pre-chemo afternoon tea (I cant drink and I cant stay awake past 8pm so this is about as crazy as my social calender gets these days).
They came armed not only with all the food and drinks needed for the occasion, but presents. Things to make me comfortable, things to keep me entertained, things to make me feel better, things to make me look better and things to make me smile. They're amazing. I am definitely gonna be the coolest kid in the oncology ward. One in particular (who was actually the first friend I told way back on day 1 of testing and who has been incredible in terms of all support since that point) made me a cake. Look at this and tell me this is not the most awesome mars bar rice krispie cake you've ever seen..... A PACMAN CAKE!!!
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Mawts, you're deadly, thank you for today. How can I not smile through this with all of you around me.
Another interesting/ thought provoking event from today happened while picking up last minute tea party provisions. There was a charity bag packer who was determined to explain the ins and outs of the condition of the person she was collecting for. A guy who had gone blind at age 22 and needed money for a radical treatment not covered by insurance. At the end of her, very sad, story of this young man she said ' so you see, whatever stupid little problems you think you may have are nothing in comparison to what he's going through'. Now this is a ridiculous thing to say to anybody. You have no idea what problems someone has. Someone may have been diagnosed with blood cancer 4 days earlier. However, I left thinking yeah, you're right, he's worse off than me. There's always someone worse off. Remembering that means 'why me' can never set in.
Finally, you'll be glad to know that Louie is back to himself. Our garden is minus one more shrub. Good to have you back Lucifer :)
I also had a mini melt down drying my hair this morning. I always hated my hair. Stupid big curls. I now love my hair. I feel so stupid for hating it. If I was given the choice now I would not make any changes to my curls, or my greys which have started to come through. Since the PET scan results (showing I had cancer of some sort) I also cant bring myself to pluck my eyebrows or shave my legs (lucky Nick eh?). I have no idea why. So, to snap myself out of it I spent an hour teaching myself how to tie a scarf around my head. I definitely think I'll be able to rock the scarf look. Panic over.
When it comes to friends, I am lucky. Mine are the best in the world. Fact. Not only am I lucky enough to have people who I met through different avenues (jobs, college, trips abroad etc. ) over the last 27 years, but I have a group of school friends who have been all together since we were about 13 - my Mawts. Today they came to my house, en masse, for a pre-chemo afternoon tea (I cant drink and I cant stay awake past 8pm so this is about as crazy as my social calender gets these days).
They came armed not only with all the food and drinks needed for the occasion, but presents. Things to make me comfortable, things to keep me entertained, things to make me feel better, things to make me look better and things to make me smile. They're amazing. I am definitely gonna be the coolest kid in the oncology ward. One in particular (who was actually the first friend I told way back on day 1 of testing and who has been incredible in terms of all support since that point) made me a cake. Look at this and tell me this is not the most awesome mars bar rice krispie cake you've ever seen..... A PACMAN CAKE!!!
.JPG)
Mawts, you're deadly, thank you for today. How can I not smile through this with all of you around me.
Another interesting/ thought provoking event from today happened while picking up last minute tea party provisions. There was a charity bag packer who was determined to explain the ins and outs of the condition of the person she was collecting for. A guy who had gone blind at age 22 and needed money for a radical treatment not covered by insurance. At the end of her, very sad, story of this young man she said ' so you see, whatever stupid little problems you think you may have are nothing in comparison to what he's going through'. Now this is a ridiculous thing to say to anybody. You have no idea what problems someone has. Someone may have been diagnosed with blood cancer 4 days earlier. However, I left thinking yeah, you're right, he's worse off than me. There's always someone worse off. Remembering that means 'why me' can never set in.
Finally, you'll be glad to know that Louie is back to himself. Our garden is minus one more shrub. Good to have you back Lucifer :)
Sounds like a lovely afternoon with your school friends Sona. Am delighted that they did that for you, sure aren't you worth it Xxx
ReplyDeleteWhat an amazing cake and what amazing friends you must have!Its great to know you are being surrounded by so much love !xxxxx
ReplyDeleteWe're here For anything u need soof and don't expect anything in return ie a personal mention in the blog;-)
ReplyDelete