Just before I was officially diagnosed (but after I knew what I had) a very good friend of mine (who has always been a source of strength, motivation and focus - he's a pain in the ass and I love him for it!) told me that, yes, its shit, but I need to stay strong, focused and get through it. He told me there would be good days and better days. I loved this, no mention of bad days. Every day is a day closer to recovery and so how could they be bad? Today is a better day.
The sun is shining, I slept well, I had breakfast, the mental fog which has made it so difficult to think over the last few days has lifted and I feel almost myself. I have a morning tea date and an early dinner date and I feel like it's almost a normal Saturday. I keep saying (writing? saying? writing, definitely writing) almost as there are still the niggling reminders - my legs ache like I have the flu, the skin on my face and hands is dry, flakey and cracked and chemo constipation is alive and well (too much info again? apologies) but still, I feel like I'm alive again. One day chemo, one day throwing up, two days sleepy, back to normal. If this is my pattern I'm delighted, I always have been pretty jammy haven't I?! Besides the rare blood cancer obviously.
More good news, cirque was apparently very disappointing. My parents took our tickets and went. I know they can't say it was amazing given the circumstances but overall I'm glad I didn't try to drag myself out.
Found out something else interesting last night. As someone who has blood cancer, I will never again be allowed to donate blood. This leads me to two thoughts - one, please please please go and donate blood. In that chemo room there are countless people receiving blood. I will more than likely need blood at some point along this journey to keep me alive. The more people who donate, the better the chances of survival are for someone like me. Two, I have donated blood once in my life. Fairly pathetic I know, but between recurrent anaemia due to my refusal to eat red meat (haven't you heard? red meat gives you cancer, oh the irony) and yellow fever travel vaccinations I was disqualified for quite a number of years. I'm worried about the person who received this blood. Does this mean they too are destined to life as a blood cancer patient at some point? Have I, while trying to do a good deed, actually passed on my dodgy white blood cells just for them to mutate in some other poor innocent's body? If someone has any expertise on this subject please let me know as I'm weirdly bothered by it!
The sun is shining, I slept well, I had breakfast, the mental fog which has made it so difficult to think over the last few days has lifted and I feel almost myself. I have a morning tea date and an early dinner date and I feel like it's almost a normal Saturday. I keep saying (writing? saying? writing, definitely writing) almost as there are still the niggling reminders - my legs ache like I have the flu, the skin on my face and hands is dry, flakey and cracked and chemo constipation is alive and well (too much info again? apologies) but still, I feel like I'm alive again. One day chemo, one day throwing up, two days sleepy, back to normal. If this is my pattern I'm delighted, I always have been pretty jammy haven't I?! Besides the rare blood cancer obviously.
More good news, cirque was apparently very disappointing. My parents took our tickets and went. I know they can't say it was amazing given the circumstances but overall I'm glad I didn't try to drag myself out.
Found out something else interesting last night. As someone who has blood cancer, I will never again be allowed to donate blood. This leads me to two thoughts - one, please please please go and donate blood. In that chemo room there are countless people receiving blood. I will more than likely need blood at some point along this journey to keep me alive. The more people who donate, the better the chances of survival are for someone like me. Two, I have donated blood once in my life. Fairly pathetic I know, but between recurrent anaemia due to my refusal to eat red meat (haven't you heard? red meat gives you cancer, oh the irony) and yellow fever travel vaccinations I was disqualified for quite a number of years. I'm worried about the person who received this blood. Does this mean they too are destined to life as a blood cancer patient at some point? Have I, while trying to do a good deed, actually passed on my dodgy white blood cells just for them to mutate in some other poor innocent's body? If someone has any expertise on this subject please let me know as I'm weirdly bothered by it!
Great to hear today is a better day! Follow your blog everyday, feel like im fighting it with you in a mad way!!! Had to comment today about the blood donations. thankfully i have never needed blood, but for the past 7-8 years i have been giving, and im always disappointed.....not because im losing my own blood...but because im usually about twenty years younger than everyone else there, as a result im always trying to get friends to donate. so fair play....keep up the fight sona were right behind you x x x
ReplyDeleteI donated once only too Sones, it made me feel really nauseous so didn't want to go again. But perhaps I should bite the bullet. Thanks for the kick up the butt & glad it was a better day for you hun Xxx
ReplyDeleteHi Sona, White blood cells only have a survival lifespan of 13 - 20 days so if they were donated to someone, they would have died long ago to be replaced by the person's own white blood cells. The problem with "lymphsona" as I affectionly referring to it to my own patients in your honour, is the lymph node misbehaving and creating the bad lymphocytes rather than the rouge white blood cells. So put your mind at rest as regards blood donation. You are doing an amazing job. Keep it up. xxx
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