Well, kind of back. Same tiredness and 24/7 nausea (that doesn't go away any more, good or bad week doesn't matter, it's always there), same old leg aches from the white blood cell boosting injections (I am however a total pro at injecting myself, so much so that I can't understand why it ever bothered me). My hair, eyelashes and eyebrows have also taken a major hit. I pulled out my whole lock (sideburn, hair in front of my ear) in one go over the weekend. I literally just touched it and it came off. Very funny really. Not sure most people would find that funny but this is what I have been reduced to. PICC line is becoming bearable. Don't get me wrong, I'll be glad to see the back of it when it's gone but I've definitely gotten used to it. It rarely causes discomfort anymore and, aside from always being conscious of pulling it, I would barely know it's there. Amazing what you can get used to.
This day 3 weeks, I will be having my last chemo. 3 weeks is so doable. One chemo this day next week and one 2 weeks later. They say it'll take 3-6 months before I feel 'normal' again. I don't care about feeling normal at this point, I just care about no more chemos. I can't begin to imagine how amazing it's going to feel, this time 3 weeks, when I'm hanging my head over the toilet, knowing that it will be for the last time. Ahhhhhh.
Now that the end is in sight, I am for the first time allowing myself to think past chemo. Past chemo. A time when I have no more chemo. Ahhhhhh. (I can't help but make that noise, at the suggestion of a fellow chemo-er I may also invent a little dance to do every time I remember that I have no more chemo. I may be getting ahead of myself, still 2 more to go). I definitely think a few holidays are in order. Like 2 months of back to back holidays. I also need to spend some time and effort ditching the weight- no easy task I fear when my energy levels are not likely to be great. There's a lot of it to go. I think I may need some sort of trainer. One thing is certain, definitely won't be going back to work for a couple of months. Louie will love all the walks. Nick will love having a housewife. I will love being a lady of leisure. Maybe. We'll see. Maybe I'll find something productive to do with my free time, something not cancer related. I certainly can't see a 'chemo how-to survival guide' being the xmas bestseller anyway. Unfortunately, I find it difficult to think of anything non-cancer related these days.
This day 3 weeks, I will be having my last chemo. 3 weeks is so doable. One chemo this day next week and one 2 weeks later. They say it'll take 3-6 months before I feel 'normal' again. I don't care about feeling normal at this point, I just care about no more chemos. I can't begin to imagine how amazing it's going to feel, this time 3 weeks, when I'm hanging my head over the toilet, knowing that it will be for the last time. Ahhhhhh.
Now that the end is in sight, I am for the first time allowing myself to think past chemo. Past chemo. A time when I have no more chemo. Ahhhhhh. (I can't help but make that noise, at the suggestion of a fellow chemo-er I may also invent a little dance to do every time I remember that I have no more chemo. I may be getting ahead of myself, still 2 more to go). I definitely think a few holidays are in order. Like 2 months of back to back holidays. I also need to spend some time and effort ditching the weight- no easy task I fear when my energy levels are not likely to be great. There's a lot of it to go. I think I may need some sort of trainer. One thing is certain, definitely won't be going back to work for a couple of months. Louie will love all the walks. Nick will love having a housewife. I will love being a lady of leisure. Maybe. We'll see. Maybe I'll find something productive to do with my free time, something not cancer related. I certainly can't see a 'chemo how-to survival guide' being the xmas bestseller anyway. Unfortunately, I find it difficult to think of anything non-cancer related these days.
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