Chemo eve and the lump

Right, tomorrow is number 7. The dread has become unbearable. It's getting earlier and earlier in the 'good week' that I think about it. You know that stomach flip when you remember something really important that you've forgotten to do? I get that repeatedly for a good 3 days before chemo now. Not nice, especially in combination with other gastro-intestinal issues.

Yesterday, while doing my usual neck poke-about that I fear is going to become a daily event for me for the rest of my life, I found a lump. Not a new one, one that was huge on diagnosis and had since shrunk to nothing and was now suddenly back again. I went to bed truly scared for the first time in this whole process. The upside of this is that I am so looking forward to seeing the doctor to ask what she thinks of this new lump that the chemo has paled into insignificance.

So, off I go to bed again, after 5 hours of 'progression during treatment' googling. I wasn't expecting the relapse panics to start before I've even finished this line of treatment. I guess I was wrong. Proof that it will never be far from my mind. This time tomorrow I'll only have one left...... I hope.