It's confirmed, my last (hopefully) chemo is on Monday and they will also be pulling my PICC line that afternoon so after Monday there's just one quick blood test the following Monday and then it's holiday time! No more appointments then until my end of treatment scans at the end of Oct/ start Nov. I can't believe how weird it feels to think I'll have 3 weeks with no hospital visits. Having gone from not being in a doctors office once in the 5 years up to 2012 and even then it was just for travel vaccinations, to this was quite a leap. I think the leap back is going to be even more traumatic.
I've said all along that as much as I wanted chemo to end (and BELIEVE ME I want it to end) I think the hardest part of all this is going to be the day they say 'OK go home, see you in a few months for a check up'. But....but....but.... what if I get a temperature? What if another limb turns blue? Who do I get to check it if I'm not in the hospital every second day? Just how dangerous is a regular cold/flu? If I get one a month after chemo do I still need to go to A+E or do I just carry on as usual? How do I cope with the thoughts that I'm not doing anything to fight cancer? Surely I'm not expected to just go back to normal? Wait? Wait to hear it's gone? To hear it's not gone? To hear it's back? While I'm doing chemo I'm DOING something. As soon as I stop the ball is back in Pacman's court. I'm out of control. Ah who am I kidding, the ball was always in Pacman's court. I never had a single shred of control over this. So nothing's changed. After Monday I'll have done all I can do in terms of frontline treatments. If it hasn't worked, I'm in trouble. If it has, for how long? Will this be the end? I know it's going to sound INSANE, but I feel like if that's the end then I got off too easy!! Don't get me wrong, it was far from easy, but I coped. Ok, enough. I'm going to assume it worked, enjoy my holiday(s) and not think about it. HA. I wish.
I have invested in a large tube of arnica gel in an attempt to curb the intense stomach bruises. They are really getting out of control. Pretty soon I'm going to have to start injecting my ass cheeks if some of them don't start to fade. I'm out of belly space. Even with the steroids. Turns out the smell of the arnica drives Louie mad, that beagle nose doesn't miss a thing. It's not a problem, but trying to cover your midriff in gel is pretty hard with 20KG dog jumping up and down beside you like he's on a mini doggie trampoline at your feet and doing everything in his power to grab the tube while barking. Louie is hereby banished to the garden for all future arnica applications. Just hope the smell of the gel ON my stomach doesn't incite the same reaction or he'll be living in the dog house from now on. It's a nice dog house in fairness, has a porch. Fancy.
Time to walk said beagle. 3 more days. So close I can smell it. Actually, that's probably just the arnica.
I've said all along that as much as I wanted chemo to end (and BELIEVE ME I want it to end) I think the hardest part of all this is going to be the day they say 'OK go home, see you in a few months for a check up'. But....but....but.... what if I get a temperature? What if another limb turns blue? Who do I get to check it if I'm not in the hospital every second day? Just how dangerous is a regular cold/flu? If I get one a month after chemo do I still need to go to A+E or do I just carry on as usual? How do I cope with the thoughts that I'm not doing anything to fight cancer? Surely I'm not expected to just go back to normal? Wait? Wait to hear it's gone? To hear it's not gone? To hear it's back? While I'm doing chemo I'm DOING something. As soon as I stop the ball is back in Pacman's court. I'm out of control. Ah who am I kidding, the ball was always in Pacman's court. I never had a single shred of control over this. So nothing's changed. After Monday I'll have done all I can do in terms of frontline treatments. If it hasn't worked, I'm in trouble. If it has, for how long? Will this be the end? I know it's going to sound INSANE, but I feel like if that's the end then I got off too easy!! Don't get me wrong, it was far from easy, but I coped. Ok, enough. I'm going to assume it worked, enjoy my holiday(s) and not think about it. HA. I wish.
I have invested in a large tube of arnica gel in an attempt to curb the intense stomach bruises. They are really getting out of control. Pretty soon I'm going to have to start injecting my ass cheeks if some of them don't start to fade. I'm out of belly space. Even with the steroids. Turns out the smell of the arnica drives Louie mad, that beagle nose doesn't miss a thing. It's not a problem, but trying to cover your midriff in gel is pretty hard with 20KG dog jumping up and down beside you like he's on a mini doggie trampoline at your feet and doing everything in his power to grab the tube while barking. Louie is hereby banished to the garden for all future arnica applications. Just hope the smell of the gel ON my stomach doesn't incite the same reaction or he'll be living in the dog house from now on. It's a nice dog house in fairness, has a porch. Fancy.
Time to walk said beagle. 3 more days. So close I can smell it. Actually, that's probably just the arnica.
am so happy Sona ,go away ,have wonderful holiday ,it will be like release from prision having no appointments .,looking forward to seeing you soon.Liz xxx
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