Wow, it's been a month since I posted. Strange to think that only a short time ago this blog felt like my right arm... I couldn't go 5 minutes without writing, reading comments, wondering if I should post or wait until I had something actually interesting to say... needless to say, I never waited.
Things are slowly but surely going back to normal for me. I am exactly 2 months post chemo. I can get up the stairs in my house without nearly fainting, I am sprouting hair (a little too much in some places for my liking - I'm 100% positive I did NOT have black hair on my ear lobes before all this started) and the steroid weight is starting to fall off. I can nearly get into my 'fat' jeans again. Not a hope for my 'skinny' jeans but given the 3lb a week weight gain there for a while I'll take my fat jeans with a big happy smile. Blood thinning injections are finished. There is only minimal stomach bruising still visible. PICC scars are healing nicely and my nails are making a comeback.
The cancer hilariousness hasn't stopped - every day there is something that cracks me up about it. Example - last week, crowded park, wig meets low hanging branch and suddenly I'm bald. Desperately searching the ground for it amid the stares of strangers, Nick helps with repeated 'its behind you, it's behind you's ' (obviously through his hysterical laughter). It's not on the ground. I turn to the dog with an accusatory glare, he has obviously stolen it. Nope. Finally, I feel it on my neck. It was in my hood. I put it back on as quick as I can, Nick catches his breath and we all continue our walk. Embarrassing cancer experience #312 survived.
I have decided to go back to work full time in January. Seems like a good time to 'restart'. I will also be joining the gym in an attempt to lose the remaining 30lbs of cancer/ steroid/ eat like a pig and lie around weight. Hopefully it goes as easily as the first 10. No such luck though eh?
People keep asking me do I feel different now. Different? Well, I feel bald and fat and old? Mentally, I don't know. I feel like I should feel different. That if I haven't 'learned something' from all this then it has all been a waste. Crazy obviously, I didn't do chemo for an education, I did it to survive. Still, I can't shake the feeling that it was sent to teach me something that I am yet to pick up on. One thing is for sure though, life is going to have a hard time stressing me out after this. When you've been to hell and back it's hard to sweat the small stuff. That said, relapse stresses me. There is not one hour that I'm not feeling my neck for lumps, asking Nick to check if it looks even on both sides, wondering why my shoulder aches - heavy bag? Nope, MUST be cancer. This should pass in time. Right? Officially cured at age 43, 15 years after diagnosis. Come on 43, come onnnnn 43. There's another thing I certainly won't begrudge - growing older. I can't understand the people who say 'urgh my 60th next year, awww I don't want to be old'.... Were you planning on dying young? No? Can't see your gripe then!
One of the reasons I started this blog way back when (April, feels like a lifetime ago) was to 'repay' the cancer world for the wonderful blogs that I read throughout my 'uh oh, do I have cancer' diagnosis stage which many would agree is, mentally, the toughest part. I hated when I would spend hours reading a blog from start to finish and suddenly it would stop. Sometimes with posts like 'I've relapsed, I'm scared' ARRRRGGHHHH WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU???!!! I am determined not to become one of those. I will keep this as up to date as possible. However, no news is good news where cancer is concerned and the rest of my life isn't interesting enough to write about so if you check in and see nothing for months - be happy, it means I am well and have managed to keep the beast at bay long enough to live a bit :)
Oh and for those are are curious, here is 2 months post chemo hair - enjoy!
As you can see, 'very short hair' is no more flattering to the big nosed than 'no hair'
No, I still haven't mastered back of my own head shots, this was the 57th attempt and at this point I gave up.
Things are slowly but surely going back to normal for me. I am exactly 2 months post chemo. I can get up the stairs in my house without nearly fainting, I am sprouting hair (a little too much in some places for my liking - I'm 100% positive I did NOT have black hair on my ear lobes before all this started) and the steroid weight is starting to fall off. I can nearly get into my 'fat' jeans again. Not a hope for my 'skinny' jeans but given the 3lb a week weight gain there for a while I'll take my fat jeans with a big happy smile. Blood thinning injections are finished. There is only minimal stomach bruising still visible. PICC scars are healing nicely and my nails are making a comeback.
The cancer hilariousness hasn't stopped - every day there is something that cracks me up about it. Example - last week, crowded park, wig meets low hanging branch and suddenly I'm bald. Desperately searching the ground for it amid the stares of strangers, Nick helps with repeated 'its behind you, it's behind you's ' (obviously through his hysterical laughter). It's not on the ground. I turn to the dog with an accusatory glare, he has obviously stolen it. Nope. Finally, I feel it on my neck. It was in my hood. I put it back on as quick as I can, Nick catches his breath and we all continue our walk. Embarrassing cancer experience #312 survived.
I have decided to go back to work full time in January. Seems like a good time to 'restart'. I will also be joining the gym in an attempt to lose the remaining 30lbs of cancer/ steroid/ eat like a pig and lie around weight. Hopefully it goes as easily as the first 10. No such luck though eh?
People keep asking me do I feel different now. Different? Well, I feel bald and fat and old? Mentally, I don't know. I feel like I should feel different. That if I haven't 'learned something' from all this then it has all been a waste. Crazy obviously, I didn't do chemo for an education, I did it to survive. Still, I can't shake the feeling that it was sent to teach me something that I am yet to pick up on. One thing is for sure though, life is going to have a hard time stressing me out after this. When you've been to hell and back it's hard to sweat the small stuff. That said, relapse stresses me. There is not one hour that I'm not feeling my neck for lumps, asking Nick to check if it looks even on both sides, wondering why my shoulder aches - heavy bag? Nope, MUST be cancer. This should pass in time. Right? Officially cured at age 43, 15 years after diagnosis. Come on 43, come onnnnn 43. There's another thing I certainly won't begrudge - growing older. I can't understand the people who say 'urgh my 60th next year, awww I don't want to be old'.... Were you planning on dying young? No? Can't see your gripe then!
One of the reasons I started this blog way back when (April, feels like a lifetime ago) was to 'repay' the cancer world for the wonderful blogs that I read throughout my 'uh oh, do I have cancer' diagnosis stage which many would agree is, mentally, the toughest part. I hated when I would spend hours reading a blog from start to finish and suddenly it would stop. Sometimes with posts like 'I've relapsed, I'm scared' ARRRRGGHHHH WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU???!!! I am determined not to become one of those. I will keep this as up to date as possible. However, no news is good news where cancer is concerned and the rest of my life isn't interesting enough to write about so if you check in and see nothing for months - be happy, it means I am well and have managed to keep the beast at bay long enough to live a bit :)
Oh and for those are are curious, here is 2 months post chemo hair - enjoy!
As you can see, 'very short hair' is no more flattering to the big nosed than 'no hair'
No, I still haven't mastered back of my own head shots, this was the 57th attempt and at this point I gave up.
What a woman. All I can say is, thanks for sharing this amazing journey with us all. It's been an eye opener to say the least. See you soon! Anneka x
ReplyDeletecan you realize how strong a mind is?, since begining of your game, never gave up, and thats why you are a WINNER, believe me, this self checking for bumps on your body will go on for yeaaaaars to come, but hey that's OK, as long as you won't find anything, as far as your hair, your first hair will come out curly (like as if you have a perm) but after the first couple of times cutting it, it will come back to be your actual hair.Sona I am very very happy for you, and believe me throughout your game I was admiring your will and courage, all I can say BRAVO, and from now on you can do ANYTHING. Love you always.
ReplyDeletetee hee laughing aloud on the stansted express right now. love you long time. there are no words.... you're just amazing.
ReplyDeleteSona we are so very happy for you and will always follow your blog even though you won't be writing much!!
ReplyDeleteHere's to a very HAPPY Christmas and a WONDERFUL 2013.
All our Love
Paula and Family (Devon, England)
XXXXX
Hey!
ReplyDeleteLike you told me in July when I first started chemo, just live your life. My cancer got complicated by a fungus infection in my lungs. We delayed one of the treatments back 2 weeks to for an invasive lung biopsy surgery that I had last Monday. I'm recovering well from that and life goes on. We don't know what is in my lungs exactly. Everything just comes back as infectious or inflammation. I have to have the evil neupogen shot for my last 3 treatments. Meh, that's cancer.
Continue to enjoy life outside of the chemo schedule. I can't wait until I'm done. 41 more days.
Have a happy holiday season!!
Rebecca
Hi sona delighted to see you looking so well hope you have a very happy Christmas and a delightful and healthy new year from Rita and Brendan your amazing
ReplyDeleteHi Sona,
ReplyDeleteI have a quick question about your blog, would you mind emailing me when you get a chance?
Thanks,
Cameron